Partial Truths
by Amethyst6
Summary: Kathryn's past comes back to haunt her forcing her to reveal the truth to her husband. Please read author's note before beginning this story!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Paramount owns them. I don't.  
  
Summary: Kathryn's past comes back to haunt her, forcing her to reveal the truth to her husband. As always would love to hear your comments. Nlh275@famvid.com  
  
Author's Note: This story deals with a past rape. If that is something that bothers or upset you, please do not go any further. This is not meant to offend or downplay the importance of this issue.  
  
Partial Truths-Part One  
  
Admiral Kathryn Janeway gazed out the window from her office at Starfleet Command. It had been a year since the alternate Admiral sacrificed herself so the could return home to the Alpha Quadrant. After seven years lost in the Delta Quadrant the return had been an overwhelming triumph. It was hard to believe a year had passed already. Shaking her head she turned her thoughts to the Voyager reunion party planned for later in the evening. It would be good to see all of her former crew together again. Most had planned to be there and only a small few who couldn't make it sent their regards. Her extended family was coming together again and she couldn't wait to see them.   
  
So much had changed since their unexpected arrival. The Maquis were all pardoned and offered future positions within Starfleet. The Equinox crew was reprimanded but ultimately it was decided that they were just following orders and set free. It was a hectic first couple of weeks. Debriefings went quickly and family and friends were finally reunited after being apart for so long. Everyone was granted a month leave and Kathryn had spent that time getting to know her family again. Tears of joy were in abundance her first night home. Her mother, as well as Phoebe, her husband and two children were a sight for sore eyes. They laughed, talked and cried until they were exhausted. She was overjoyed to have her family back in her life but there was a hole inside her. A hole that only one person could fill. Chakotay.   
  
  
  
Kathryn smiled as she thought of him. Now her husband, she couldn't begin to explain how she survived so long in the DQ without loving him completely. Today she couldn't imagine life without him. She learned shortly after their homecoming party that his relationship with Seven was over. Needing desperately to know the truth, she sought him out. He had been surprised to see her, as she knew he would be. They talked long into the night and most of the morning. It was a discussion that was a long time coming, with positive results. Her smile grew wider as she remembered the days after that they'd talked. Kathryn looked at the picture sitting prominently on the corner of her desk. Leaning over she picked it up and lightly fingered the image there. It had been one of the happiest days of her life. The day she and Chakotay became husband and wife.  
  
Joy filled her heart and nearly brought tears to her eyes. She was so sentimental these days. Chuckling softly to herself, she returned the picture to its place. Reminiscing about those days always brought deep feelings to her heart. Everyday she marveled at the happiness she felt, at how carefree she felt. Everything was right in her world and she loved it. In a few hours she would be able to share her happiness with some of her friends that she hadn't been able to see in a while due to their assignments or hers. She was really looking forward to the evening.   
  
Looking at the chronometer she was surprised to see how late it was. She'd promised Chakotay that she would be home early to prepare for the party.  
  
  
  
Kathryn sighed softly as her assistant came over her comm system. "Yes, Elisa?"  
  
"Admiral, your husband is signaling," her assistant reported.  
  
"Go ahead and put him through."  
  
"Yes, Admiral."  
  
A moment later Chakotay's face appeared on the monitor. "Hello, Chakotay."  
  
"Hi love." He smiled and Kathryn felt the full extent of his love just in that one motion. "You haven't forgotten your promise, have you? I want to spend time with you before the reunion tonight."  
  
She smiled. "No, I haven't forgotten. I was just about to pack it up for the day."  
  
"Good. I'll be waiting."  
  
"See you in a bit," she said and blew a kiss at the screen. He put his hand out as if to catch it and then gently brought it to his lips. Kathryn sat a moment after his image disappeared and took a deep breath. What did she do before Chakotay? Gathering her things she left her office and was outside the door when Elisa turned to her.   
  
"Another call Admiral. She said she's been trying to reach you for several days."  
  
Kathryn shook her head. "Elisa unless it's an emergency, take a message. I've got a husband to get home to. Will I see you tonight?"  
  
"Yes, Admiral. Enjoy yourself."  
  
"I will Elisa. I will."   
  
  
  
The transport was uneventful, which was exactly the way Kathryn liked it. Walking the short distance to her home, she smiled. True to his word Chakotay stood inside the door with a cup in his hand, waiting for her. The door opened and she stepped inside only to have him pull her close and kiss her briefly on the lips. Grabbing her hand he stepped back to let her in. The aroma of coffee filled the air and Kathryn reached for the contents in the cup.  
  
"Tsk, tsk tsk," said Chakotay holding the cup out of her reach. "I think I deserve another kiss before handing over my secret liquid."  
  
A mock frown greeted his words and Chakotay smiled. The dimples were out in full force and she couldn't resist.   
  
"With pleasure," she murmured seductively as she leaned in and covered his lips with her own. The kiss was light at first. Kathryn wrapped her arms around his waist to pull herself closer, while he used his free hand to hold her head in place, taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss. She moaned as his tongue caressed her lips, then slid inside to tangle with her own. Passion flared inside her and it took all her will power to squelch it.   
  
Reluctantly she pulled away and laid her head against his chest. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing pulse, noticing Chakotay was doing the same. After a moment she looked at him and shivered at the raw desire she saw swirling in his expressive brown eyes. Jeez, what this man did to her, she thought.   
  
"Chakotay." Was that her voice sounding that low and... seductive?  
  
She cleared her throat and tried again. "Chakotay you know I would love nothing more than to continue this but we do have a party to get ready for."  
  
Chakotay sighed heavily. Nodding he handed her the coffee. She slipped from his arms and gratefully took a sip of the warm liquid. A small bit had dribbled onto her lip and Kathryn used her tongue to clean up the drops, unaware of the eyes watching her every move. Nor did she hear the small groan the owner of those eyes let past his lips. Desire slammed through Chakotay and he felt the need to readjust his pants. It still amazed him how much she could turn him on just by the simple things she did. He wanted her, and he wanted her now.  
  
Kathryn opened her mouth to speak but stopped at the raw look of hunger on his face. Hunger for her. His eyes roamed her body and she felt herself blush. She could feel her body start to respond and raised her hand in front of her, as if that would stop the passion flaring up between them.   
  
"Get that look off your face, Chakotay. We can't."  
  
"Can't what?" he said softly, slowly approaching her. "Can't skip the party? No, of course not. I wouldn't dream of it. But," he whispered sensually, "be late. Well, now I think we can definitely do that."   
  
Oh, that voice, so soft and low, made her tremble with need. Kathryn stood mesmerized as he took step by agonizing step closer to her, stalking her. She barely noticed when he took the cup out of her hand and placed it on the table. His face, his beautiful dark face, filled her vision as his lips descended upon her own, devouring her with a hungry intensity that had her aching for more.  
  
He lifted her easily without breaking contact with her lips. He filled her mind, body and soul. So focused on him and the wonderful things he was doing to her mouth, she was surprised to feel the bed underneath her. Coming up for some much-needed air, they took the time to undress each other. Hands began to caress and explore as passion ignited into an aching need to be one, forcing them to hurry. They gasped and jerked as their worlds collided together. Lost in a bliss of pleasure and happiness, Kathryn smiled. Oh yes, they would most definitely be late. 


	2. Partial TruthsPart Two

Please see authors note at beginning of story  
  
Partial Truths-Chapter Two  
  
The party was in full swing when they finally arrived. Immediately they were pounced upon, separated by the crowd. A drink was pressed into Kathryn's hand as an arm around her shoulders led her farther away from Chakotay. Trading the champagne for water from a passing waiter, she glanced back to find her husband, drink in hand being led in the opposite direction. He looked up suddenly and their eyes caught. A slow dimpled smile crossed his face and she smiled back.   
  
A young lady watched, intrigued by the silent communication between husband and wife. Her eyes followed Kathryn as she turned back to the gentleman who had stolen her attention. She'd been watching the Admiral since the couple had entered the room. Dressed in a long snug fitting sparkling blue spaghetti strap dress, the girl was impressed. The Admiral certainly had taste. Her auburn her was swept back in an elegant twist and a lone silver necklace that changed to a shimmering blue when touched by the light decorated her neck. The woman's lips twitched in what might've been a smile. She was impressed. She watched as the Admiral warmly greeted the former members of her crew, hugging some, shaking hands with others. Her interest in Kathryn Janeway grew. As unobtrusively as possible, she watched as Admiral Janeway worked the room.  
  
The evening was progressing smoothly. The former crew of Voyager milled about reminiscing on the life that used to be. Congratulations and pats on the back were dished out in abundance as promotions were revealed, engagements were announced, and parents to be were unveiled. Kathryn was amazed at the reception she and Chakotay got at the news of their newest addition.   
  
Stepping into the background, Kathryn gazed out at the people who had come to mean so much to her. Of course Chakotay would say that she meant just as much to them as well. And she knew that. Even if it was sometimes hard to believe. But tonight when they'd announced that she was pregnant the response was overwhelming. It seemed that her former crew had been waiting for this almost as long as they'd been waiting for her and Chakotay to admit their feelings for one another. It brought tears to her eyes to see and actually feel the amount of love and respect these people had for the two of them. Kathryn knew that the words were said mostly for her benefit and for that she was grateful.  
  
Stifling a yawn, her eyes automatically sought out Chakotay. At three months pregnant, she began to tire much more quickly than normal. Finally she spotted him laughing heartily with Harry and Ayala. She smiled. Her love for him still scared her at times but she wouldn't give it up for the world. Deciding to let him continue to enjoy himself she continued to stare until she got his attention. A moment later he looked up and caught her eye. The connection they shared on Voyager was even stronger now that they were together. His eyebrows rose in question, and she signal to the doors behind her and smiled to letting him know everything was okay and she didn't need company. His acknowledge went unnoticed by others but she saw the slight nod he gave her.  
  
Kathryn turned toward the double doors, knowing that Chakotay's eyes would follow her until she disappeared outside. The night air was warm against her skin. The scent of fresh flowers flowed around her, engulfing her in their essence. She breathed deep, grateful for the silence. Sometimes she needed the peace of the night skies, to come and just stare out into space and find her solace. A full moon lit the area, with a few scattering stars spread here and there. She felt a sense contentment settle around her. It felt right. She was home, married to her soul mate, and expecting their first child. Life was good.  
  
The doors opened behind her and she turned hoping it was Chakotay. A young woman stepped out and Kathryn swallowed her disappointment. Turning her back to the newcomer she raised her eyes to the stars once again, but frowned when she couldn't find the peace she'd experienced seconds ago. Kathryn forced down her irritation at the intrusion. Everyone needed a little escape now and then, she thought.  
  
"Admiral Janeway?"  
  
Kathryn sighed softly. So much for peace and quiet. She turned. "Yes," she said politely.  
  
"You're a hard woman to reach."  
  
Kathryn frowned. "I'm sorry. Do I know you?"  
  
The woman shook her head. "No, you don't. Forgive me. My name is Neha. I've been trying to reach you for some time," she smiled sardonically. "I must say, I've never been given the run around quite so...thoroughly."  
  
Kathryn stiffened. "I have a busy schedule. If you left a message with my assistant I'm sure I would have contacted you soon," she said neutrally.  
  
"Uhm, I'm sure," said Neha. She walked away turning her back to Kathryn. "It's a beautiful night out, isn't it?"  
  
A chill went through Kathryn. There was something about the young woman made her wary. Kathryn watched her watch the stars. Keeping her tone light she said, "Yes, I was just thinking how perfect of a night it's been. The reunion and all, I mean," she paused, "Are you related to one of my crew members?" she probed.  
  
Neha turned back to Kathryn and smiled. "Your crewmembers? I didn't think Admirals had crewmembers? Do they?"  
  
"No," Kathryn replied. Her uneasiness grew. The unanswered question didn't go unnoticed. "I just tend to think of them that way."  
  
"I see." Neha stepped in front of Kathryn and tilted her head as if puzzled. "You think of them more than just your former crew, don't you Admiral? You consider them part of your family."  
  
"Yes," answered Kathryn though it wasn't phrased as a question. She was rapidly losing patience with the young woman and her seemingly endless questions. Who was this woman and why was she interested in her relationship with her crew? Only a few certain members of the press had been allowed to attend the reunion in an official capacity and Kathryn had approved those individuals. Neha was not one of them.   
  
Neha moved to walk around the Admiral and Kathryn became abruptly aware of her circumstances. Outside alone with an unknown woman, with an unknown intent who had now conveniently maneuvered herself between Kathryn and the doors leading back into the party. Tension wove its way through her body and she forced herself to relax, or at least appear that way. She was a Starfleet trained officer. She knew how to handle herself.  
  
Neha continued to stare at Kathryn, her expression curious. Kathryn didn't know what the young woman wanted, but she didn't feel threatened. But of course, she'd learned the hard way that looks could be deceiving. Kathryn remained on alert.  
  
"Family is very important to you. You'd do anything for them." Kathryn didn't respond, since it didn't seem to be required. "I've done a lot of research on you in the last few months," continued Neha. "You fought hard for the freedom of your "family". You even married your Maquis First Officer."  
  
Kathryn had enough. "Look, Ms..."  
  
"Neha. Call me Neha."  
  
"Fine...Neha. I'm sorry but you seem to have me at a disadvantage. You know an awful lot about me but I can't say the same," said Kathryn. Her voice was polite, but there was a hard edge just under the surface that would make her former crew cringe. "I don't mean to be rude but why are you so interested in my life? It's really of no concern to you." She paused, staring at the woman thoughtfully. "Why don't you answer a few questions for me." Kathryn stepped closer to the woman, being mindful not to get to close just in case.   
  
"How did you happen to be at the reunion tonight? Are you here as a guest? Or better yet, you can tell me why you've been trying to reach me and why did you seek me out just now. I assume that you didn't just come out here to gaze at the moonlight," she said waving her arm for emphasis. Kathryn narrowed her eyes and looked hard at Neha. "What's going on?" she demanded, trying to keep her rising anger under control, while also carefully searching the area for a quick means of escape. She wasn't afraid of this woman and knew that she could more than likely defend herself in hand to hand combat. But it wasn't only herself that she was concerned with. She would not put her unborn child's life in jeopardy just to play hero.  
  
She needn't have to worry. The scene in front of her changed. The tall, upright, almost arrogant young woman that stood in front of her, now looked...well...dejected. Her shoulders slumped, and the spark of challenge that made her eyes glint was gone. The mocking smile that had been dancing around her lips was no longer present. She looked so... forlorn, thought Kathryn. She was a picture of sadness. Kathryn nearly gasped aloud at the abrupt transformation. What in the world was going on? What did she say to cause such an about face? Was this some kind of trick? The questions swam around inside of her head with no ready answers.  
  
"Do you not know me at all? Neha asked so softly that Kathryn almost didn't hear the question.  
  
Kathryn frowned. She had never seen this girl in her life. Or at least not that she could recall. "Neha..."  
  
"Look at me," she yelled. "Do I not look familiar?"  
  
The desperation mixed with pain in Neha's voice almost was enough to melt her heart. Kathryn tried hard to place her but for the life of her she couldn't. Even under the bright moon with it's scattering stars Kathryn could tell that she was a beautiful young woman. But this woman, this lost girl, with her long dark hair and dark eyes, was a stranger to her. She could see a faint scar high on her forehead but it was mostly hidden by her hair. Kathryn felt her suspicions regarding the young woman dissolve, as an air of utter and complete misery seemed to settle upon her at Kathryn's continued silence. Deciding to trust her instinct that Neha meant her no harm, she dropped guard. Before she could say anything Neha broke the silence.  
  
"It's okay Admiral, I honestly didn't expect you to recognize me. I...I just hoped..." Neha sighed and walked over to a nearby stone bench and sat down.   
  
  
  
Kathryn was indecisive. She'd been outside for quite a while now and knew that Chakotay would be worried. Nevertheless, she couldn't abandon the girl. She looked so...hopeless. Not to mention Kathryn still didn't know why the girl had sought her out in the first place. It was weird. She'd never met her, that much she knew for certain, but she felt something...a connection of some sort. Kathryn shook her head. Maybe it was just hormones. She'd heard that pregnancy did weird things to a woman's body and thinking processes. Walking over to Neha, she quietly sat beside her.  
  
"I'm sorry," said Neha finally.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"For the way I approached you. I'm surprise you didn't call scream for security."  
  
Kathryn smiled. "I thought about it," she said lightly.  
  
Neha glanced up. "I wouldn't have blamed you. I...you had no idea who I was or what I wanted or planned on doing. I didn't mean to worry you or scare you."  
  
Kathryn shrugged. "It's okay. You made me a bit wary, but I didn't necessarily perceive you as a real threat."  
  
They were silent for a moment longer, then "Congratulations on your new baby."  
  
"Thank you." Kathryn unconsciously brought her hand to her stomach. "Neha," she began, "what's this all about? Why have you been trying to reach me?" she asked softly.  
  
Neha said nothing, but continued to look down at her hands resting on her lap. Kathryn started to repeat the question, when Neha looked up at her. Tears gathered in her eyes and Kathryn fought the urge to take the girl in her arms, instead she placed her hand over Neha's.  
  
"I want to..." she whispered.  
  
  
  
"Then please do. Take your time."   
  
Neha took a deep breath. "My mother died a few months ago. It was expected. She'd been ill for some time. It seems that even with all our advancements there are some things technology still can't fix," a humorless laughed passed her lips. "I could have dealt with her death, ya know, because I knew it was coming. I could have gone the rest of my life knowing that she was at peace now and no longer suffering. I could have gone the rest of my life never knowing. It wouldn't have been difficult. Mother never let on that I was different or unwanted. I mean, I noticed things but I never questioned it and neither did my friends. Everything was fine. I really didn't need to know..." she stopped and stared sullenly at her hands again.  
  
Kathryn gave Neha's hand a gentle squeeze. She had no idea what she talking about or what it had to do with her. But the pain was genuine and it tugged Kathryn's heartstrings. Maybe she just needed to talk a bit before she got to the point. She hoped this wouldn't take too much longer. Chakotay would become worried if she didn't resurface soon.  
  
"I'm sorry about your mother, Neha. It sounds like you miss her very much."  
  
"I do. I really do. But...she lied to me. They all lied to me."  
  
"What are you talking about? And what does this have to do with me?" Kathryn questioned gently.  
  
Neha swallowed hard. "She's not my mother," she whispered and Kathryn could here the agony those words produce for her.  
  
To be continued... 


	3. Partial TruthsPart Three

Please read author's note at beginning of story  
  
Partial Truths-Chapter Three  
  
Neha swallowed hard. "She's not my mother," she whispered and Kathryn could here the agony those words produce for her.  
  
Kathryn gave her a puzzled look. "I'm sorry?"  
  
Neha turned their hands so that she was now holding onto Kathryn's. She turned her tear-streaked face toward Kathryn and stared, her eyes boring into Kathryn's. "She's not my mother," she stated, emphasizing each word. She looked intently at Kathryn, willing her to understand the words she was trying to say without saying them. Kathryn didn't understand and the confusion showed on her face. Neha sighed.  
  
"She's not my mother," she repeated. "You are."  
  
Kathryn heard the whispered words leave Neha's mouth. She knew what they meant; yet they made no sense to her. Yanking her hand hard she pulled away from Neha. "What are you talking about? What kind of sick game are you playing?" she asked, her voice hard and cold from uncontrolled fury, the emotion radiating from every part of her body.  
  
Neha's eyes widened. "I'm not playing any games."  
  
Kathryn stood jerkily. "Then why would you say such a thing?"  
  
"Because it's the truth. The woman, who I called my mother for my entire life, wasn't my mother. The woman who raised me, who fed me, who clothed me, and sheltered me from the world, was not the woman I thought she was."  
  
"That doesn't make...me your...your mother. That's preposterous!"  
  
"Admiral, please calm down."  
  
"Don't tell me to calm down. I want to know who's putting you up to this? Who's making you do this? What do they want from me?" she cried.  
  
Neha stood, nervously looking around. The Admiral's voice had risen and the last thing she wanted was security to come take her away before she had a chance to explain. It hurt to know that her real mother denied her so effortlessly but she quickly pushed that emotion aside. She knew that if she didn't get to finish this tonight she never would be allowed to get close to the Admiral again. Drying her tears she stepped closer to Kathryn, her voice tight.  
  
"No one is putting me up to anything. Everything I have said to you has been the truth. You are my biological mother whether you want to acknowledge it or not. My mother kept a journal of everything and left it to me when she died. Angela and Wayne Paskelt adopted me over 25 years ago. When I was old enough, they arranged for me to have corrective and cosmetic surgery to get rid of any trace of alien features." She raised her hair off her forehead. "I was always told that this scar and others like it on my body were the result of surgery needed because of some kind of freak accident." She removed her hand and began to pace; knowing that she had the Admirals full attention.   
  
"It was only after my mother...Angela, died that I discovered the truth. It seemed that this was one secret she didn't want to take to her grave. Wayne hadn't wanted to tell me. He died when I was just 11 and after that Angela saw no reason to go against my father's wishes. He didn't want me to know that I share the blood of a Cardassian."  
  
A tortured sob behind her made her stop. She faced Kathryn. Her hand covered her mouth and her eyes were wide and haunted. Even in the reduce lighting Neha could tell that she had grown ghostly pale. She moved her head from side to side, mumbling incomprehensible words under her hand. Gripping her stomach she turned and headed blindly for the doors leading back into the party.  
  
Neha rushed forward. "Admiral. Kathryn, wait. You can't go in there like this. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."  
  
Kathryn shook her head. "No, no...please. I can't...I didn't want...Please, no. Please...Ch...tay."  
  
Neha didn't know what to do with the almost hysterical woman. "Chakotay? You want me to get your husband?"  
  
Panic flashed in her eyes. Shaking her head she pleaded. "I can't...no. Please.   
  
Suddenly it dawned on Neha. "Admiral, please calm down. He doesn't know, does he?"  
  
Kathryn sniffed and tried to control the raging sobs that wanted to tear through her. Haunted eyes raised up to Neha's. She shook her head and her eyes closed, causing more tears to slide silently down her cheeks. Neha pushed her own heartache away and focused on the woman before her. Slowly she put her arm around Kathryn's shoulder and led her back to the bench. Kathryn trembled. How ironic, she thought, only moments ago it was she who was offering comfort. Burying her head in her hands, she tried to get a grip on her emotions. Vaguely she could feel the soft pressure of Neha's hand on her back. After a moment, she lifted herself up and wiped her face with the back of her hand. Shame washed over her and Kathryn couldn't bring herself to look at Neha.  
  
"How much to do you know?" she asked her voice strained.  
  
Neha shrugged. "Angela left out most of the details, but I'm a smart girl. I can put two and two together." She paused. "Based on the fact that mating between Humans and Cardassians rarely happen, especially back then, I assumed that it wasn't a...mutual union," said Neha, trying to be as tactful as possible.  
  
Kathryn shivered again. "No, no it wasn't." Her voice sounded lifeless. Memories slammed into her and she closed her eyes, trying to block it all out.   
  
"Kathryn, I...I'm sorry. I wanted to meet you, get to know you. I didn't want to cause you pain. I'm so sorry to be stirring up these memories for you. I...I'm really not that bad of a person, despite my creation."  
  
Kathryn jerked as if slapped. Snapping out of her misery she looked at the young woman, who until a couple of months ago had lived a perfectly happy life believing she was completely human. How awful to have your entire world turned upside down and to learn that you're real parentage was a bit more complicated than you ever thought it could be.   
  
"Don't.  
  
Neha frowned. "Don't what?"  
  
"Don't do that, put yourself down because you know the truth. How you were created has nothing to do with you as a person. I don't know you, nor do I know your parents, but the fact that you made it into this party without being without being caught, lets me know that you are a bright, and determined young lady."  
  
Neha fidgeted nervously. "Figured that out, did you?"  
  
Kathryn laughed humorlessly and wiped the remains of tears from her face. "I don't know how you did it, and I don't want to know right now. But I know that you aren't on the approved list of people and you aren't with any of the crew. I approved the press list so you're not apart of that grouping either."  
  
"No, I'm not."  
  
They were silent for a moment. Kathryn rose and kept her back toward Neha. "Do you hate me?"  
  
"No. I understand why you didn't want me. I'm surprise that you choose adoption though. I can't help wondering why you just didn't terminate. Under the circumstances, no one could have blamed you."  
  
Kathryn shuddered. "Neha, it wasn't that I didn't want you. I was young and very traumatized. It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened. But no matter what I couldn't have...terminated you. It's wasn't even a consideration. You were a baby who had nothing whatsoever to do with ...that. You were innocent. I just couldn't keep you. I-I hope you can understand that. But I wanted to at least give you a chance with people who could love you and protect you." She turned to Neha. "It sounds like that's what they did."  
  
"Angela and Wayne were good parents. Like I said I could have gone forever not knowing the truth."  
  
Kathryn nodded.  
  
"Are you going to tell him?"  
  
Kathryn wrapped her arms around herself. Neha didn't have to say whom she was talking about. Would she tell him, could she? "I don't know. Probably. I think when he sees me he'll know something's wrong anyway."  
  
It was Neha's turn to nod. "Will he understand?"  
  
Kathryn sighed. "That's a good question. Oh, I think he'll understand about what happened. He knows some of it. I'm not quite sure if he'll understand why I didn't tell him all this sooner."  
  
"It can't be something you want to think about or talk about every time someone new enters your life."  
  
"No. But Chakotay's not just anybody. As corny as it sounds he's my soul mate. We swore we wouldn't keep secrets from each other. It only hurts us in the end."  
  
Neha acknowledge that with a slight tug of the lips. "I've watched you and he together and believe me it doesn't sound corny at all. You love each other very much, that is obvious."  
  
Kathryn blushed at the compliment.  
  
"Well, Admiral, I think you should know your soul mate is heading this way. We have been out here for a while." Neha paused, not sure how to continue. Sighing she said, "We have a lot to discuss Admiral, but I will understand if you never want to see me again."  
  
Kathryn's eyebrow arched. After everything Neha went through to reach her she had a little difficulty believing that.  
  
Neha shrugged and chuckled quietly. "I said I would understand, I didn't say I wouldn't be disappointed." Her expression solemn, she continued. "I won't try to contact you at your office again, or corner you in any more social functions. The next move is yours. If you want to see me again, maybe get to know me a little, I'm willing, if not..." she shrugged and smiled, "then it's your lost."  
  
"I understand," Kathryn said a ghost of a smile tugging at her lips. The doors opened and the bright light spilled onto the patio. Kathryn turned to see Chakotay, the light casting his shadow over the garden.   
  
"Kathryn? Are you still out here?"  
  
Kathryn moved into the light so he could see her. "Yes."  
  
Chakotay stepped out onto the patio. "What on earth are you doing? You've been out here for ages."  
  
Kathryn turned to face Neha. "I was talking to...someone."  
  
Chakotay stepped closer and studied Kathryn. What's going on, Kathryn? Are you hurt?  
  
"No love, I'm not hurt. I'm coming." Kathryn walked toward Chakotay but stopped when she reached him and turned back. "Neha, don't be angry with your parents. They did the best they could. I don't believe that by leaving you that journal your mother intentionally meant to hurt you. They were your parents in every way that counts. Don't let this ruin the memories. Right now they're all you have left." she turned back.  
  
She stepped inside the doors and walked forward, but was stopped as Chakotay grabbed her arm. Looking up at him she saw the alarm in his eyes, and knew she must look a fright.   
  
"Kathryn? What's wrong? What happened out there?"  
  
Kathryn was exhausted. She just wanted to go home and go to sleep. She wanted to escape into oblivion and forget.  
  
  
  
"Chakotay, please, can we just go. I...I need to get out of here."  
  
His eyes searched her face. Whatever he saw in her eyes must have convinced him not to push. He nodded deciding not to push and led her to an unoccupied corner near the doors. He made their goodbyes, letting everyone believe it was Kathryn's tiredness for their early escape. Finally he came back to collect her and wrapping her protectively in his arms they headed home.  
  
to be continued... 


	4. Partial TruthsPart Four

Please see author's note at beginning of story  
  
Partial Truths-Chapter Four  
  
TWO WEEKS LATER  
  
  
  
Rain fell hard against the ground as lightning lit up the night sky in rapid secession. Thunder rumbled loudly, making the walls tremble with quiet vibrations. Leaning against the windowsill, sipping a cup of hot tea, Kathryn was oblivious to the hot tears rolling down her cheeks as quickly as the rain. Another night interrupted. Another night filled with nightmares. She'd had them off and on since she'd met Neha. It wasn't her fault though. She didn't blame Neha for the reoccurrence of her dreams. She blamed herself. Her mind had been filled with worry about how and what to tell Chakotay. She knew that talking about the nightmares would make them go away. But that was easier said than done. He'd been so patient, questioning, but backing off when she didn't want to talk about it. She never wanted to talk about it. Ever.   
  
Kathryn sighed heavily. She was being so unfair to him. He would understand, he would, she kept telling herself. She'd tried to tell him so many times over the couple of weeks. Then when she thought she could finally tell him, fear gripped her so tightly she almost couldn't breath. Then the doubts would start. What if he didn't understand? What if he couldn't see himself loving someone whom had been with a Cardassian? What if he stayed with her for the sake of the baby, but saw her differently? Could she live with that? No, no she couldn't. She needed Chakotay's love like she needed air. He was her life. She wouldn't know what to do without him.  
  
Her throat tightened and the tea did nothing to ease the chills from her body. Her mind took her to places she never wanted to visit. Lonely places, places without Chakotay. She never noticed the shadow illuminated by the lightning. She didn't hear the footsteps come up to stand right behind her.   
  
Chakotay sighed softly. It tore him apart to see her like this. Whenever he started to get close, she pulled away. Not tonight, he thought as he watched her shudder with each agonizing sob that ripped through her. Not tonight. Gripping her shoulders, he pulled her back against his broad chest. She cried harder when his hands slid down her arms and wrapped around her waist pulling her closer. Soothing words were mumbled into her ear as soft, gentle kisses where placed on her temple and neck.   
  
Soon her sobs became quiet hiccups and he led her away from the window. Kathryn wasn't aware that he'd even taken the cup of tea out of her hands. She sat heavily, taking comfort in Chakotay's closeness. He rose, and Kathryn let out a small protest. Sitting on the table in front of her, he took her smaller, pale hands into his larger darker ones, he kissed each finger gently before speaking.  
  
"Kathryn, this has to stop. This isn't the first time I've found you crying in the dark. This isn't good for you and it isn't good for the baby." She opened her mouth to speak, but he put his forefinger against her lip. "And before you say its pregnancy hormones, I don't believe you. Something else is going on and I want to know what it is. Now."  
  
"Chakotay...'  
  
"No, Kathryn. I don't want any excuses. I want the truth. I want to know what happened the night of the reunion to make you like this. It was that night, wasn't it?"  
  
Eyes downcast, Kathryn nodded.  
  
"Talk to me Kathryn. You know that you can tell me anything. Whatever it is we'll get through it."  
  
"I want so badly to believe that."  
  
"Why don't you?" he asked softly. "Have I done something to make you doubt me?"  
  
"No, Chakotay, nothing like that."  
  
"Then tell me. Please."  
  
Kathryn opened her mouth to speak, but the familiar fear gripped her, making her heart pound heavily in her chest. She felt panic rise inside and closed her eyes trying to push down the unwanted emotions. She could do this; she needed to tell him. Searching inside herself for some kind of control she swallowed hard. Maneuvering their hands so that she now held his, she looked up at him. The love in his eyes, and the concern gave her the confidence she needed.  
  
"Do you remember," she began quietly, "when I told you about Owen and I being kidnapped by the Cardassians?  
  
He nodded.  
  
Kathryn took a deep breath. "Everything I told you about that time is the truth. Except..."  
  
He watched as she struggled with her words. She looked up at him and Chakotay nearly gasped out loud at the fear in her eyes. "Kathryn?" he prodded gently.  
  
Tears gathered in her eyes as Kathryn forced herself to continue. "E-except when I t-told you th-that they didn't h-hurt me. I-I lied about that." Kathryn focused her gaze somewhere beyond Chakotay's shoulder. Memories slammed into her mind and a coldness spread through her that made her shiver. Chakotay wrapped his hand around the one that was clinging to his own.   
  
"I was raped," she said and was surprised at how calm her voice sounded. "They made me listen to Owens screams over and over and then," she stopped. "And then I was taken to a room and told to undress. I wouldn't, so they beat me and did it for me. I was terrified but I tried not to show it. I tried to be the Starfleet officer Owen thought I could be. But they held me down and I couldn't escape. I couldn't fight them off." Tears streamed down her face as she remembered screaming at the pain, begging them to stop. One right after another, it seemed like they were never going to get enough.   
  
"They didn't care that I wasn't prepared for them. They didn't care that I was bleeding so badly. They didn't care that I was in so much pain. I passed out eventually. They threw a bucket of water on me to wake me up when they were finished. I felt so...dirty," she shivered but refused to look at Chakotay. "When we were finally rescued I was in shock. I couldn't talk, I felt so ashamed and disgusting. I wouldn't let anyone touch me, not even the Doctors. I began to feel nauseous all the time and was sick a lot. Finally my mother forced me to go." Kathryn closed her eyes briefly, still refusing to look at Chakotay.  
  
"There was a lot of damage. The doctors were surprised that I didn't come in sooner with the amount of pain I should have been feeling," she chuckled humorlessly, "they didn't understand that I had stopped feeling anything the day it happened. They were also surprise to learn something else that they thought should have been impossible with the amount of damage I had." She stopped and sniffed, tears filling her eyes once again.  
  
"What did they find, Kathryn?" he asked when she fell silent.  
  
"They discovered that I was pregnant, Chakotay. I was pregnant by one of those SOB's. I couldn't even tell you which one. And to make a long story short, I had her. I had my baby and gave her up for adoption."  
  
Chakotay stared at her for a moment. "Spirits, Kathryn, why are you just now telling me this?"  
  
"I wanted to, really I did. But Chakotay you hate the Cardassians. How was I supposed to tell you I had a child with one?"  
  
"Kathryn, you make it sound like you had a choice in this. You were raped. You had no choice."  
  
"But I could have terminated, I could have..." the rest was lost in a wave of sobs.  
  
"Kathryn, listen to me. I know you. I know how you feel about all life. You wouldn't have terminated and I don't blame you. The child was innocent. Sweetheart, I'm just amazed at your strength. After everything you went through, you still had the courage to deliver this child and give her up for adoption, hoping that she'd have a good life. I've always been proud of you, Kathryn, and you keep showing me reasons why I am."  
  
Kathryn looked at Chakotay. "You understand? You don't hate me, aren't disgusted by me?"   
  
Flabbergasted her stared at her. Then he turned angry "Dammit Kathryn, what kind of man do you think I am? Of course I'm don't hate you. And you most definitely do not disgust me. You're my wife for goodness sake, the woman who I plan on spending the rest of my life with. The mother of my child. You are everything to me. How could you even ask me something like that?"   
  
"I don't know," she answered meekly. "I'm sorry Chakotay. I should have told you this when I told you the rest. I just...I just didn't know...I mean...I was afraid you...you wouldn't want me the same after you knew. I didn't want you to leave me."  
  
"Kathryn." he admonished. "You can't honestly believe that I would desert you?   
  
  
  
"I know, I know. It sounds silly now that I say it, but..." she shrugged.  
  
Chakotay cupped her face so that he could look into her eyes. "Listen to me," he demanded softly. "After everything you and I have been through there is no way in hell I'm walking away from you. You are stuck with me Kathryn Janeway, whether you like it or not. I love you. I love everything about you. Knowing what they did to you makes me angry as hell. I wish I could hunt them down myself. I blame them, Kathryn. Not you, never you. Are you listening to me? Do you understand?"  
  
Kathryn smiled through her tears. "Yes, I hear you and I understand."  
  
"Good," he said as he gathered her close. His lips covered her and Kathryn clung desperately to him, returning the kiss with a hunger that stunned her. She whimpered slightly when he broke the kiss and took her in his arms, holding her closely. Kathryn let herself be held for a moment, needing the reassurance his closeness provided. After a while she pulled back.  
  
"There's something more, Chakotay."  
  
He looked at her knowingly. "Does this part have something to do with the woman in the garden? The one that upset you so?"  
  
Kathryn nodded. "She didn't mean to. She wanted to meet me. She thought that I was avoiding her and figured she'd get to me another way. Somehow she got into the party and decided that was the best place to...talk to me."  
  
"Who was she Kathryn?"  
  
Licking her lips nervously, she rose and walked back over to the window. The thunder had quieted to a distant rumble and the rain had lessened. Looking back toward Chakotay, she hesitated. She was still getting use to the idea that she had a grown daughter out there.  
  
"Her name is Neha. She's the child I gave up for adoption."  
  
"What?"  
  
Kathryn rung her hands together. "She wanted to meet me, get to know me, and give me an opportunity to know her. Apparently she went through a lot to reach me. When I left she said she wouldn't bother me again. That the next move had to be mine. She wanted to give me time to...tell you." Shame filled Kathryn. The fear that had her terrified to confide in her husband was non-existent now. She'd put herself through hell the last two weeks, when all she had to do was trust him. "She also knew that I needed time to adjust to the news that she was my daughter," she continued.  
  
"How did she find you? Does she know what happened?" asked Chakotay.  
  
Kathryn sighed. "She doesn't know the details. From what I gathered her adoptive father never wanted her to know she was adopted, let alone, the product of r...rape." She breathed in deeply. "Her mother disagreed but went along with him. They had corrective and cosmetic surgery done on Neha as soon as she was old enough to withstand the procedures." Kathryn smiled slightly. "She looks entirely human."   
  
"So how did she find out about you?" Chakotay repeated.  
  
Kathryn began to pace. "Her father died before her mother and a couple of months ago her mother passed away. Among the possessions she left Neha was a journal that told her everything about her adoption. From what she let on, her mother told her only what she needed to know, nothing about...how she came to be. It didn't take much for her to figure it out though." Kathryn shuddered. One day she would be able to think about that time and have no reaction at all. Or at least not such a strong one.   
  
She stopped pacing and turned to face Chakotay. Walking up to him, she grabbed his hands and held them tightly in her own. Chakotay could sense the struggle going on inside of her. When she looked up at him her eyes were intense with just a hint of something else. Determination, maybe. He remained quiet. He knew that something else was on her mind, so he waited for her to speak.  
  
Finally Kathryn swallowed. Straightening her shoulders she looked Chakotay in the eye. "I want to find her Chakotay. I want to get to know my daughter."  
  
Chakotay's eyes searched her face. Concern poured from him. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes," she said firmly.  
  
Chakotay remained quiet, his expression unreadable. Kathryn met his steady gaze head on, steeling herself for whatever objections he chose to voice. But his next words whispered to her were like a soothing balm.   
  
"Then we'll find her Kathryn. We'll find her together."  
  
Kathryn felt a relief beyond words. Tension left her body and it felt as if a gigantic weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She knew that Chakotay would help her in any way he could, yet still she had been afraid.   
  
"I'm truly am sorry Chakotay. I feel so ashamed. I know better than this. I should have come to you sooner," she said quietly.  
  
  
  
"I can't say I understand Kathryn, because I don't. I thought we put all our issues out on the table and for you to agonize over this, doubting how I felt about you...it hurts me. You don't know how helpless I felt when you wouldn't let me in." He gathered her close. "I know now Kathryn and I'll help you all that I can. But I need you to promise me that if you every have any doubts about my feelings, or anything, you'll come to me immediately. I don't want you putting yourself through this again. Promise me, Kathryn."  
  
She turned her face up to gaze into his eyes. "I promise, Chakotay. I promise."  
  
He smiled and hugged her closer to him. "Good. Now let's go to bed."  
  
The End.   
  
Would love to hear your comments! 


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